so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
