I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
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