There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
Randomize
