Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
Randomize
