Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
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He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
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You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
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