I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Randomize
