I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
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