The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
