can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
I got her a Nickelback box set.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
