She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
