Midget sex pt 2 tonight
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Randomize
