Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
My vagina just clenched in fear
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Randomize
