You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize