I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
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I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
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Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper