I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
27 Common Occurrences Everyone Can Relate To But No One Talks About
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
21 People Intentionally Did Despicable Things During Sex
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"