I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
