I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...