I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Randomize
