ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Randomize
