First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Randomize
