So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
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My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
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He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
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