Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
You need Xanax blowdarts
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
