do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
Randomize
