I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
