considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Randomize
