apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
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Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
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i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
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