If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
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Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
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Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
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