i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
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