you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
