Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
Randomize
