FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
