I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Randomize
