hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
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