we should wear snuggies to the strip club
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
Randomize
