Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
