Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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