Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
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