where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
grandma shit on top of the toilet
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize
