she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
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