I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
Randomize