the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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