i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
