Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Randomize
