i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
Please don't give away my fajitas
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize
