Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
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