i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
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