They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
50% drunk capacity currently
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
