i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize
