i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
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