i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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