I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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