I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
