But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Randomize
