Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Randomize