Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
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HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
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I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
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