walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
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