So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
too bad you live with your parents still
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
35 Disappointing People Who Failed At Sexting
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
25 Adults Reveal The Most Embarrassing Stories From When They Were Kids
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.