So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
