I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.