This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??