my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos