I just pynch a tree in the face
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."