Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
18 People Are Kind Of A**holes But Also Completely Hilarious
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.