why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
Randomize
