dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
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