Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Randomize
