I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
