we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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