Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Randomize
